btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
