OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
