totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
