My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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