Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
