you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
