a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
