I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
