I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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