How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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