My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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