You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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