Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
