thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize