hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
