Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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