I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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