I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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