Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
time to smoke my breakfast
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
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