Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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