due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
