It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
