I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
