I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
