you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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