We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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