FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
