Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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