dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
