Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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