there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
