she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Is Oprah even human
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
