i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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