First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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