Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
