The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
