thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
