onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
BRING THE BAGELS
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
