I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
