im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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