I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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