my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
