she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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