Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
