he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
