I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
