I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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