I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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