I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize