oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
