So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
