I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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