I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
