he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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