I'm so fucking centered right now
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
