Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
