When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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