I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
