i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The uberlube is also flammable
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
