xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
do herpes really smell.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
