If that was your dad, he is hot
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
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