piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
