you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize