this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
